In Vanity Fair’s January 2009 cover story on her, Tina Fey made an offhand comment about doing some voice-over work for a pinball machine in the mid-’90s. The gaming stie Kotaku went through the archives of the Internet Pinball Database (yes, the IPDb) and found the actual recording she did. Turns out it was for 1997’s “Medieval Madness” (tagline: “Behold the Renaissance of Pinball!”) in which she voiced the characters “Opera Singer” and “Cockney-Talking Princess.”
I don’t care how many Emmy’s she has, nothing tops a career in pinball.
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So, I realize that my last couple posts have been a little self-indulgent and vague, but that is the nature of my writing I guess. In an effort to avoid sounding melodramatic all the time, this entry will be devoted solely to outlining my Top Ten Favorite 30 Rock Quotes (which are, consequently, also the Top Ten Reasons You Should Be Watching 30 Rock). So here we go:
10. ”I’m doing the robot backwards into a Starbucks…that’s not even my dog! Yes, I steal dogs.” - Tracy Jordan
9. ”I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the Devil’s temperature!” - Kenneth the Page
8. Liz: “I wolfed my teamster sub for you!”
Floyd: “Wait, no, is that a saying?”
7. ”I studied fried chicken at the School of Hard Knocks!” - Tracy Jordan
6. “You are vindictive, Liz Lemon! Don’t deprive the good people of Cleveland of their Ikea.” - Floyd
5. (To Jack, after his sister punches Liz) ”I want you to punch your sister in the face.” - Liz Lemon
4. “I’m gonna be so rich my grandkids are gonna play lacrosse, Liz Lemon. Lacrosse!” - Tracy Jordan
3. Jack: “I want full stake in the Arby’s franchise we bought outside of Telluride.”
Bianca: “Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar!”
2. (Two Classic Jack Lines)
”Every time I meet a new person I figure out how I’ll fight them. You have a gimpy right knee, right?”
”Look how Greenzo’s testing! They love him in every demographic - colored people, broads, fairies, commies. Gosh, we gotta update these forms.” 1. And nothing sums up why I love this show more than this exchange:
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?
I am Liz Lemon. That is all. The End. Watch this show.
Tracy: You know what, I’m gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
Jack: I’ve got two ears and a heart, don’t I?
Liz: I’m feeling pretty drunk.
Jack: Well, it’s business drunk. It’s like rich drunk, either way it’s legal to drive.
So, at about 11:30 last night I was driving home from work at the theater and I wasn’t really paying attention to the road (surprise, surprise). As I veer off the highway for my exit, singing Ben Folds at the top of my lungs, I very slowly process that there are two huge deer just hanging out right in the middle of the road. As my headlights came around the curve and stared them straight in the eyes, they didn’t move a muscle. I slammed on my brakes and suddenly the stuff in my car is flying all over the place and all I can hear is a piercing screech. In all of the commotion, one of the deer swiftly ran off into the woods. But the other one stayed right where she was, middle of the road, eyes glued to me. After I came to a complete stop, I stared at her and she back at me — almost defiantly — for what felt like forever, but couldn’t have been more than a couple of seconds.
Then she slowly sauntered off the road and into the woods without a glance back at me.
I was really shaken by all of this and it took me a few moments to catch my breath and calm down. It’s not often you get to see a phrase like “deer in the headlights” in action, and it was exactly as I imagined it would be. She sees me barreling toward her and can’t even move one hoof in front of the other to get out of harms way. I know this is weird, but I’ve felt like that a lot lately. You can see trouble coming, know that it’s bad news and you shouldn’t get involved, but you can’t stop yourself. You can’t save yourself. Basically, I need to work on my reflexes. Because right now I should be running as far away as I can. But I am still rooted to this spot, caught in the headlights.
So, a little less than two weeks ago, I began my senior year of college. And all I can say is: Yikes. A senior in college. Hell, I remember being in the first grade and feeling like people in their 20’s were ancient. An age that I would never be.
Well, here I am. What amazes me the most, though, is the fact that I, bookworm and uber-nerd extraordinaire (if you ask any of my high school classmates), have grown to truly loathe education. Every fiber of my being tells me to resist waking up every morning for my forty minute commute in pursuit of higher learning. In a moment of temporary insanity, I scheduled myself for class on Mondays from 10 am until 10 pm, with less than 45 minutes of free time. As of right now, I would remove Monday from the calendar if I could…and most days I would be more than happy to fulfill my deepest wishes and avoid books and papers and professors like the plague. But I have one year left. Not even that…nine months. Nine months until freedom. Then, I never have to take another test or conduct another lab or read another chapter about the “American Identity” in a text written by my teacher. I can live where I want and work where I want and carve out a life for myself the best that I know how.
Which is why it bothers me just a little when people tell me to avoid “the real world” and to enjoy college while I can, stay as long as possible, etc. etc.
Are you kidding me? I am so ready to break out of this ivory tower it’s insane. I want to bum around this great country of ours in a station wagon with my best friend and see Mt. Rushmore and the world’s largest ball of string. I want to live in Austin, TX and write short stories and ride my bike to work. I want to hitch a ride to some resort town in Florida and bartend and use my tips to pay for tattoos and expensive cocktails. I want to own a record store in Seattle just because I think it’s romantic when it rains. Because deep down, I am a nomad. A nomad with a restless soul. I mean, I have had 13 jobs in 4 years. 13. No joke.
So, finding myself at the end of these nine months free of all obligations and undoubtedly penniless just might be the most exciting thing that could possibly happen. I can’t wait to see what’s next.
Well, by now it has become woefully apparent that I did not complete my Summer 100 list by the allotted date. HOWEVER, I refuse to feel defeated/upset/unfulfilled about this because of one simple fact:
I had an amazing summer.
On the record, probably one of my top three summers of all time…thanks in large part to the fact that I went out and did things, felt inspired, caused some trouble, made a ton of mistakes, and laughed a hell of a lot. And really, that’s all I could have asked for.
This blog gave me an outlet to document a few of my adventures…and when I find myself stuck inside on a cold, dreary winter day and I haven’t seen the sun in weeks, I will look at this photo:
and remember that summer will be back again. And it will be glorious.
So thanks for staying tuned… and let me assure you this is not the end. I will continue posting until I have nothing left to write. Which is to say, forever.